Winston's Insanely Intense Card Duel
by Kream45
Summary: The big monkey from Overwatch plays a silly card game with his nerdy friends.


**/The following story is pretty damn stupid, just so you know.**

Winston was sitting in his room, playinng a silly card game called Magic the Gathering with Mei.

"And now I'm attacking you with this creature and BAM, YOU'RE DEAD, GET IT?!" Winston shouted.

"O RLY?! I'm using this spell and it destroys you, HAH! WHAT A RETARD!" Mei screamed, and Winston farted.

"How can this be?!" Winston said with fear in his voice, "You don't have enough mana to cast this spell!"

"I have, look, one card was under another, here."

"This is not fair! I want a rematch!"

"You're just weak ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)"

"You want me to fuck you up?"

"Come on ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)"

They were about to hurt each other very badly, but then Mercy entered the room.

"Hey fucknuts, if you were so nice to stop fighting, I would show you what I bought." She said.

"What is that?" Winston asked.

"A new card game that is better than Magic the Gathering."

"Meh." Mei mehed, "Nothing is better than Magic!"

"Just take a look, bitches."

Mercy put two boxes of brand new decks on the table.

" ' _Shit World'_ ? Dafuq kind of name is that?" Winston grabbed one deck and started analyzing it.

"It's a new card game, which came out literally today ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)" Mercy stated, "It's similar to Magic, but completely different ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)"

The friends sat by the table and Mercy started explaining the rules of the game.

"Each player draws 69 cards ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) then they play mana cards, one each turn."

"How does the mana look like?" Mei asked.

"It's those cards, Pieces of Shit. The more Pieces of Shit you have, the stronger cards you can play later."

„Okay."

"Then you summon monsters, like this one: Big Stinky Shit. When you summon it, it causes more destruction than ISIS."

"What do you mean, what does it do?" Winston asked.

"It's so strong that I can't even comprehend it, it destroys everything, you summon it and you win, that's how insane this card is."

"Really?"

"Yeah, and sometimes you may want to cast a spell, like Fart Shockwave, which deals a billion damage."

"Wow, this is such a cool game." Winston said, "Let's play a match."

Winston took one deck and Mercy the other one. Mei was watching.

"Okay, so I play one Piece of Shit and summon this monster for 1 mana." Winston said.

"It's a bad move to play Shit Rat on the first turn." Mercy said, "When you summon it, you can choose one of your other monsters and multiply their power by ten thousand, and you've wasted that effect."

"I wonder what you would do on the first turn." Winston replied.

"For example, I'd cast a 1 mana spell Ass Stench, which makes it that the opponent can play ten pieces of shit at the same time."

"What?!" Mei interrupted her, "Why would he want to do that?"

"Because Ass Stench makes it that if he survived my next turn, he would win instantly." Mercy replied.

"Wtf?"

"Alright, now it's my turn. I play one Piece of Shit and summon Foul Shitlog for 1 mana."

"What does it do?" Winston asked.

"Nothing. It just stays on the battlefield and stinks. But it's effect makes it that until it's on the battlefield, the oponent will never have their turn."

"What?! Then how am I supposed to kill it?!"

"By playing a Trap Card, which you can play even in my turn. Do you have any in your hand?"

"Let me see… yes, I have one: Shitty Ambush - _Destroy every monster you want and those you don't want as well._ "

"So basically this destroys everything. So my Foul Shitlog and your Shit Rat go to the graveyard. Now it's your turn."

"Use this card, Winston!" Mei pointed at a card in Winston's hand.

"Alright." Winston agreed, "So I play a Piece of Shit first. I have two mana, so I can play this one that Mei showed me: Shit Monstrosity."

"Nice, that's a very good card." Mercy said, "Has no effect but very good stats. But look at that! My Trap Card – _Take control of all enemy monsters._ "

"What the fuck?!" Winston exclaimed, "This is bullshit!"

"Woah, you're fucked, Winston!" Mei said.

"It's my turn now." Mercy said, "I play a Piece of Shit and cast this spell for 2 mana: Rain of Shit – _Each player plays all t heir Pieces of Shit_."

"Lol, now we have twenty mana each." Winston noticed.

"Yeah, and it's still my turn." Mercy said, „I cast this spell: Shit Power – _Multiply a monster's power by quadrillion and subtract one._ I cast it on the Shit Monstrosity."

"WTF?!" Winston and Mei yelled.

„And I still have 10 mana left! I cast the spell Shitball and deal a trillion trillions damage to your face."

"OMG!"

"And now I summon a monster Shit God, which has a cool effect – _Sacrifice a friendly monster and deal damage to the opponent equal to the power of that monster multiplied by infinity._ So I sacrifice Shit Monstrosity and deal infinite damage to you and I've won, thank you. _"_

"… That's it?" Mei got confused.

„This game makes no sense!" Winston stated.

„You only say that because you've lost ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)" Mercy replied.

"Maybe let's play something else?" Mei suggested.

"Okay, how about we play a Throw Mercy Out Of The Window game? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)" Winston asked.

"Okay ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)" Mei agreed.

"I don't think so ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)" Mercy said and turned into a big, flying bat, who was spraying guano everywhere from its anus.

Winston threw a deck of Shit World at the bat and dealt 1 damage. Mercy-Bat had 10 bilion health, tho.

Fortunately, Mei had a Holy Flame Sword hidden in her ass, and sticked it into the bat's anus, dealing quite a bit (9999999999999999999) damage.

The bat turned into Mercy again and fell on the floor, dead. Winston and Mei threw her body into the basement, where Wild Pigs From Hell lived, which ate Mercy.

But Mercy had a hidden ability, which resurrected her. She was about to escape the basement, but she tripped. And what kind of a Kream45 story would it be, if it didn't have a weird sex scene? Mercy was captured by tentacle demons, which raped her furiously in every hole. Multiple times, for weeks.

Winston and Mei didn't care, they were playing Magic the Gathering upstairs.

Moral of the story: You Drink, You Drive, You Lose.

 **THE END**

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)


End file.
